narrative writing

One day there was a guy who is not your average size[fat dude]. The fat dude called Phil loved to eat lots of food. His mum Bella  and his dad called Bart have been asking him to do exercise for 15 years when he went to the mall Bella and Bart called an exercise coach.

Come to the house at 5 pm.

When he saw the car he tried to run as fast as he could but his chubbiness wobbled and made him fall over.Then Bella dragged him up to the door step to introduce him to Steve 

.Phil asked what is he doing here?

,I am your exercise coach to get rid of that blubber! He replied.

But my fatness keeps me warm in the winter Phil screamed I am starting to get hungry from all this screaming.

Then Steve said I am your exercise coach now you have to run around the block first then you get a nice juicy carrot stick.

Then Phil grappled his money and went to the mall

.Steve went around the block to see if he could see Phil Steve come back 

I can't see him anywhere

.Bella said I will be back.

Brat  asked where are you going? 

I am going to the ummmm the pet shop Steve answered.

Why the pet shop 

he loves going to the pet shop 

Bella drove out the drive way. Went to the mall instead of the pet shop she saw Phil eating a large chips,a drink,a Burger and an ice cream. Then they went to the pet shop. They bought a dog called 

Books and went home.Books jumped on everyone.Then brat got so mad and asked why is there a dog.Because he hated them. Phil stared to run around the block with books then he did a 100 buries every day they decoded to meet up at the forest and did some buries and when he went home he had something to drink and went on the the bike after hours he finally decided he liked exercise

The solo level I have reached for surface features is: Relational because I think I used lots of full stops and capital letters.

The solo level I have reached for my narrative is: multistructural because I think I used very good topic in my narrative.

My next step is to do make at not to long so people do not get bored or stop reading and make them want to stay and read more about the stories.